I have been giving words a lot of thought today, listening to how and what I say and trying to make sense of the power that words have for us. Its been a bit of an interesting one for me to explore.
I am a wordy person, I like to using words in the written form and I like a good old chat (I have my mum to thank for that – She had a first class degree in long conversations – known fondly in Glasgow as “an awfy blether” or being able to “talk the hind legs off a donkey”). In my work as a therapist I find myself intrigued by the words that people use to describe how they are feeling and have learned that really listening to these words hold keys into what is needed to help them rebalance.
Words can be a useful tool or a harsh weapon. They can express a feeling or a sentiment, they can comfort and reassure, they can confuse, uplift, inspire and cause deep pain. They are can be enigmatic and at times can be totally elusive.
How many times have you heard someone say something and been totally inspired and motivated by their words, or been hurt by the biting words from someone, sometimes glib comments said with no malice can be taken like a dagger wound to the heart. It is our perception of those words and the perceived feel of the energy behind them that causes us problems.
You know that feeling when someone says something really quite harsh but delivers it from a place of love and we are able to hear them but deflect the harshness in favour of learning something either about ourselves or about the person delivering those words.
Then there are the times when someone says something nice or positive to you but that grating nagging feeling shows up within you, and you know something just doesn’t feel right, the words said are being delivered from a less than positive place in that person. Their negativity may well have absolutely nothing to do with us but we feel it and adopt it as if it was an arrow thrown intentionally. We have no idea why we feel hurt or deflated by these words – as after all they were positive and pleasant – but we are picking up on the energy the person delivering them is dealing with at this time.
Don’t get me wrong some people give compliments and praise freely. But do so out of some need to be seen as “nice” or “supportive” and really do deliver them in a less than supportive way. That’s when our inner bullshit detector fires up and alerts us to this. Remember this is good as its giving us the heads up not to let that energy into our own energy system too readily.
If we can detach ourselves and question what we feel then we can save ourselves the confusion and hurt of accepting any form of energy or validity from the words. Noting what their words trigger in us is insightful and gifts us the ability to learn and grow.
There are 3 essences I tend to use a lot if I find myself in a situation where I am faltering in response to what someone has said to me. Ground Moss for when they trigger hyper emotional responses and it literally feels that I have lost ability to do anything about how I feel.
Another essence is Red Chestnut, when I get caught in the thought loop of a conversation “post mortem”” and spiral into the “could have” “ should have” and further on into the negative self chatter that leads me to be panicky and feeling like the worst thing that could happen – has actually happened! (This is most definitely not the case – if we were in a worst case scenario we would be too busy coping in fight or flight mode and taking action to even think about anything.)
The other I find helpful in this situation, and in particular if I know that I am having to be around a person that is prone to acting in a way that takes me to the more negative dwelling side of things is Walnut Moss, it allows me to digest their words and choose wisely before accepting anything energetically from them, it also helps me process my thoughts and compose my own words wisely and saves me from dropping into a triggered knee jerk response to their words.
One of the hardest things to deal with is when words “fail” us. You know the occasions when someone asks you a question and you just can’t find an answer anywhere, the more you search in your mind for one, the more the panic rises and the more the ability to find the words gets further away.
Another question that arises from my “word ponder” is Why do we feel the need to fill any silences with words. Those times when all goes quiet and the knot in our stomach builds pushing us into that need to fill the silence with words, often we don’t really want to talk, nor does the other person but we end up filling an awkward silence with meaningless words that in the end make us feel inadequate and stupid and builds that weird energy that is counterproductive when we pick up on the stickiness of how the strained conversation is going.
That isn’t to say that it is good to strike up a conversation with whoever we meet but to do so when we feel it, rather than when we are merely trying to feel less uncomfortable in the situation we find ourselves in.
I used to get quite frustrated if someone broke into my silence with mindless chatter. However I do try to be mindful that perhaps the person doing so may have a real need just to feel heard. Often much of our own frustrations come from not feeling heard too! There is a huge difference between listening to someone and actually hearing them. The greatest gift you can give someone to actually listen to them without judgement.
Our own words also affect us as much if not more than they affect others. If our inner voice is criticising it can render us powerless. In fact our inner critic says way worse things to us than anyone else can – and more regularly! You can learn to tame the critic and be aware of what your mind chatter is telling you. It can be your greatest enemy or your finest coach so choose those words in thought wisely.
Don’t believe everything your inner voice says to you and this again comes down to the question everything. If its your coach heed its wise words and if its your critic question what it is that it is trying to prevent you from doing. Often its coming from the centre of our fears and in trying to protect us from being disappointed it keeps us from the optimism of trying.
Not only what you say, but how you say it has a big impact on how we are received by others. So choose wisely and always think before you share your words with others.
In this era of technology it is a totally different ball game as although the energy behind a text or email can be felt on some level, there is a complexity that also brings our state of mind when reading the messages into a contributing factor to how we presume the words are meant. Trying to explore further into that topic was a little too much for my brain to handle today !
So I shall leave you with some more words…. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to others especially when it comes to self talk. …
My gratitude to you if you have got this far – Thank you for reading my words I hope they give you food for thought!
There is a fluidity to the energies at the moment and we are learning to be masters the new waters that surround us. We have opportunities to choose and with our choice comes the manifestation of how exactly we will roll with the necessary changes.
If we don’t approach our issues with inquisitiveness and a willingness to change we can get caught up in the net of illusion that we create for ourselves.
When we struggle we drop below the surface and feel dragged down in the fluid depths – hopeless and despairing of a way out, and yet if we focus and calm ourselves we begin to notice that we are still breathing and can make efforts to resurface.
Rather than huge fighting efforts it is a gentle letting go and not struggling, surrendering to the flow but focussing on a positive outcome. Its almost an inner knowing that our initial thoughts are testing us in some way and that what we had initially perceived as reality – was a projection of the old trying to reclaim us and pull as back into a state of panic and fear. It can be strange and a little fun to watch this play out as its almost like a comedy where you are playing both roles and know can see through the charade.
This is NOT who we are, and we should question everything especially when we feel the “here we go again” type energy surface. Question if it is relevant to your situation, is it a default response to old programming that is no longer required
Grace and ease is a key word and no matter what life throws at us, if we are aware, discerning and honest with ourselves then we can glide on through any hiccups effortlessly. My essence of choice to help me navigate these times is ” Grace & Ease” made from a stunning White and magenta Phalaenopsis Orchid.
We are being given the opportunity to master our inner critic and lets face it, we would do far better without a nagging nelly voice that tries to talk us out of being our wonderful, powerful self. Bring humour and lightness to the table and watch as you unravel the ties of the old that still try to bind us.
Wishing you a smooth and steady journey back to owning your power! Namaste
Empathy is beautiful!
Yes it can be painful, it can be messy, it is most definitely unpredictable but at its core it is beautiful. Empathy is deep and can feel all consuming at times. Learning to work with it is always a good idea as truly feeling someone else’s raw emotion can totally knock you off your feet.
It seems that I remember empathic feelings as far back as my memory goes, it has ruled a lot of my life and its only now that I can begin to fully appreciate the gift that it is. I remember a time around twelve years ago when having a conversation with a work colleague when I locked eyes with her and the intensity of her emotions literally hit me in the gut. She was preparing to go to a meeting where she had to provide evidence of an event that she had been witness to and the feeling of fear and panic from her that was manifesting physically for her literally knocked me sick. I had to be sent home that afternoon as the ensuing headache and nausea literally floored me. I was at this point that I could finally really grasp this empathy thing and vowed to make sure I didn’t make a habit of taking things on at this intensity.
I didn’t understand energy and definitely had no idea what empathy was. My coping mechanism was to close down emotionally, call it a form of self preservation if you will. I spent too many years lurching from being cold and shut down to opening and being emotionally overwhelmed. I guess I see-sawed between the two for quite a while, but after doing lots of self development workshops etc I began to understand what was going on for me. That incident of overwhelm several years ago was the one biggest catalyst to understanding a lot of “whys” in my life and the biggest motivator to actually take the driving seat.
The biggest help has actually been having the awareness of what was going on and to be able to recognise when my energy was shifting too quickly from one state to another, I then can question this and see what’s going on and take necessary measures to bring me back to a state of balance.
How many people go through life lurching from one emotion to another with randomness and unpredictability and find themselves feeling like there is something wrong with them when in fact they are bouncing off those around them and taking on others emotional state too clearly and strongly for them to function in a balanced manner. I myself spent my childhood in this state and struggled to cope with others as I felt totally imbalanced but judged myself to be lacking in some way which further complicates the issue. Thankfully I don’t often get physical empathy to the point that I did feel with this lady, and I can usually discern what is physically mine or not. I don’t always separate the emotional feelings and have to work pretty diligently to make sure I don’t let it cloud my own emotions.
Empathy is a wonderful tool when used wisely. It allows you to really get a feel for others and to feel into what ways would help them to rebalance. Words can be misinterpreted but you can never misinterpret a feeling. Learning how to “switch it on” and how to make sure your not continuously picking up too much is a learning curve. It is an intuitive early warning system. Getting the balance of feeling what you need to and filtering out what you don’t requires ongoing awareness.
Dont let empathy be the driver of your emotional journey – having it as a co – pilot is always a better relationship.
Wishing you a beautiful sensory balanced day filled with unconditional love♥♥♥
Happy Solstice to you -So here we are already – the longest day and shortest night of the year, where the heck has the first half of 2017 gone!
Solstice energy is a good time for reflection and celebrating how far you have come, and a great time to look towards the next phase of the year and where you want to be headed and planting the seeds to help propel you in your chosen direction. Its refreshing to see so many people celebrate the natural rythms of the earth. Summer Solstice in Sweden its actually one of the biggest holidays of the year! (I know as we arrived in Stockholm on 21st June 2 years ago to find a ghost town and most places closed as it was the midsummer bank holiday and all the locals head out of town to their summer houses to celebrate Solstice !!!! )
It got me thinking and although lots of daylight hours and ( supposedly) warm weather should be a recipe for feeling good, this isnt the case for everyone. Much as I love the long balmy nights and the fact that I can sit outdoors at night (without turning a nice shade of cold induced blue!) I get nostalgic for dark skies peppered with lots of stars. I love to spend some time just gazing at the sky and enjoying the beauty of a starry landscape and round about now that is near on impossible!
In Scotland at this time fo year it’s not dark until around midnight and then starts lightening up again around 2am so if I want to have a star gazing “fix” I have to stay up really late and it’s not really truly dark so there aren’t too many visible stars. I therefore don’t know the summer skies very well and feel a little disconnected, not to mention I struggle to sleep unless it’s quite dark! (Thank goodness I dont live in Russia – they have the “White nights” season in May and June, due to their northerly lattitude the sun never fully sets! ) It is rather surreal to see.
I Wonder how your finding the Solstice energy personally, Are you loving the flooding of light or do you crave some dark velvet skies?If its a good time for you hope your riding the waves and taking every opportunity that summer solstice provides for you. Or if you, like me, are getting antsy and fidgety craving some cooler, darker, starrier nights, just try to go with the flow and remember that this will pass and you will find your energetic balance again soon.
The image of the well above reminded me of just how strongly the sunlight is reflected in the water and can give an idea of just how much the excess of sunlight can serve to heighten our emotions and to bring some of the uncomfortable aspects out into the harsh light of day to be achnowledged, healed and released. A very positive, if not always easy task.
With realisation of where my out of sorts feeling is coming from today I have been taking some Star channelled essences and this seems to have boosted me a bit. Awareness of how your system reacts to various energetic evens such as The Solstices, The Equinoxes and the different phases of moon , also what weather systems are good for you is a great ally to have and with the insights that this gives you – you can begin to understand when your more likely to feel extremely creative and resourceful and go with the flow or when you will be more likely to need to take time out for self care and self reflection.
Flower & Vibrational essences are a great support as we take on this journey of self discovery and empowerment.
Solstice Blessings, xx
One of those days from the minute you open your eyes you can just feel the tension build. Overslept by twenty minutes, tripped over a pair of shoes in the rush to the bathroom, someone has used the towel and not popped a clean one in. Then dog finding the best sniffing place EVER as you try to fit in the quick walk before work. When you finally set off the traffic is busy, then you realise when you’re just about there that the lunch you carefully prepared last night is still in the fridge at home.
You arrive at work to a pile of paper work that has miraculously appeared in the night and it’s the intricate fiddly stuff that is time consuming and laborious. Feeling irritated that your plans for the day will be out the window in favour of spending hours churning through this unwelcome visitor.
You can add your own typical frustrating day in place of mine but I’m sure you get the picture.
It can suddenly feel like you’re at breaking point and everything and everyone seems to add to this horrible feeling. Even the sound of the telephone or the radio can begin to needle you. It flows over into how you’re feeling about the people around you, about life in general and it even has an effect of your digestive system, causing upset or even pushing your buttons to over eat or to not eat at all.
Life in this moment now feels very complicated and stressful! Your sensitivities are in overdrive and you feel so overwhelmed that you can’t focus clearly, never mind make sense of the paperwork that is like a huge waving red flag in front of you!
You can continue on this stress treadmill. BUT... What if you could take charge and allow yourself to release the tension? Slowly, Easily, Effortlessly……
Firstly breathe! Take a few minutes to focus on your breathing, noticing how your breath feels as it enters your nostrils, following it down into your lungs feeling your chest expand and know your blood is being nourished by the oxygen intake. Breathe out through your mouth again following the breath up and out, feeling its warmth as it leaves your body taking with it anything energetically that isn’t good for you. Do this a few times keeping focus on the breath and not allowing it to wander into thoughts (It will only take 2 minutes but If you feel awkward doing this at your desk you could remove yourself and go make a cuppa in the rest room or even take a quick trip to the loo!) This is a really effective technique to just drop your stress level and allow clear thinking to return.
My go to essence at this time would be Bach flower essence Impatiens. It is a great essence for releasing tension and restoring a calmer feeling in our bodies and minds. It helps release the irritated, coiled spring feeling smoothing our energy and helping us back to focus and calm.
Combining this essence with the 2 minute breathing space practice is a quick and effective way in restoring us to our rational self. In fact the more you begin to notice this reaction happening in its early stages you can take some essence right away and breathe knowing that it will help stop the tension building to any great level. Have a fabulous, empowered day <3
I work with sensitive and emotionally overwhelmed people, helping them find clarity and ways to feel empowered, calmer and more able to enjoy everyday life ~ even when challenged.
To find out more contact me for a free Sensitive Souls Skype chat contact https://sallyarthurs.youcanbook.me/
How are you today? A well meant question but for stressed out parents, especially those of children with complex needs its a question that throws us fear and panic as we try to hide the fact we are struggling.
Parenting is a minefield, no child comes with an instruction leaflet and no two are the same. No matter how prepared you think you are there are always times that will throw you off guard and send you into a panic filled emotional whirlwind.
Most of the time we cope very well and with trial, error and a bucket load of humour we steer our way through the stormier waters. There are so many emotions that parenting throws up for us from that first rush of pure love ( oh heck if I didn’t have that am I a bad mother? ) to the overwhelm of sleepless nights, tantrums and beyond. It can also push triggers to emotional “stuff” from our own childhood.
The media portrays this glossy image to us of smiling, perfectly groomed mothers effortlessly looking after a brood of smiling, happy children as they welcome their happy relaxed partner home from his bread winning day. WOah! Reality check there …
No dinners thrown on your newly cleaned floor? ( it took you all day to manage it too) No tears or tantrums, no tired stressed partner, no worries or problems? Is it any wonder that we begin to feel guilty or inadequate or any other stressful emotion that you personally would like to substitute.
We can spend a lot of time surrounded buy those who are only too happy to fill us with tales of their perfect world, perfect pregnancy, perfect birth, perfect children ( add your personal favourite) and offer us well meant support, however it serves to make us even more stressed. Why Cant I cope like that?
No one likes to admit that they struggle at times, but for most parents there are times when we do struggle. Sadly we often feel too judged to admit this and therefore struggle on in the best way we can while feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and emotionally drained.
Add to the mix complications – my own complications came from a traumatic first pregnancy and my baby being born 12 weeks premature. Emotionally exhausting dealing with all the health hiccups and the NICU, made worse by my personal guilt at not being able to carry her to term, of not being with her around the clock for the 12 weeks she spent in hospital, I’m sure you get the picture.
My second child, born 18 months later, provided a challenge of a totally different kind. There were strange issues from very early on and after an extra long battle with Psychologists, Psychiatrists and various other agencies was diagnosed with Aspergers at 15 years old. Now that’s a very long story, that I may well share someday but for now it’s enough to acknowledge that I have experienced this.
I know only too well the emotional roller coaster that parents can get caught on and it has been my quest to find out ways to support myself through this time. When my son was around 18 months I found Bach Flower Essences and can say hand on heart that they literally saved me from spiralling into a deep dark place where I felt very irrational and this scared me. The essence I came across was Cherry Plum
According to the Bach definition “The Cherry Plum fear is very specific: it is the fear that one is going to lose control of oneself and do something dreadful, such as injuring others or harming oneself. Fears of going mad and of acting irrationally are Cherry Plum states.Cherry Plum is also the remedy for a loss of control that has already taken place, because of the frantic fear and dread associated with such situations. Think of the fear a small child feels in the grip of a screaming, irrational tantrum: this too is a Cherry Plum state.”
I had no idea how it worked but it was a blessing that it did! I iguess this is where my love of essences really began and I would be drawn back to them time and again when I needed support.
Having witnessed the power that the essences have in supporting us through times of challenge and distress it is my wish to empower other parents and gift them with the support to enable them to return to balance and to re-ignite their joy in parenting.
If you would like to find out how essences could help support you please contact me at https://sallyarthurs.youcanbook.me
There is nothing worse than the guilt and frustration that arises when feeling overwhelmed by a parenting issue. No matter what age your child and no matter what the issue is, it can reduce generally well-balanced parents to emotional wrecks. We all know the overwhelm of lack of sleep and insecurities that new babies bring but as children grow our parenting skills need to grow to match them. Parenting is a tough job (even though many would refuse to admit that) and for many reasons a parent who is generally able to cope can find that they are suddenly in the midst of some issue that pushes them to their limit and completely overwhelms them. This can feel even more exaggerated if you are the parent of a special needs child.
It’s not something that we like to discuss with others. It’s scary to admit that you need support and fear of judgement often means that these feelings get bottled up and keep us from being able to work through the issues and come out the other side. I work with parents to explore the emotions that are surfacing and help them find ways to allow them to feel more able to cope. There is no judgement – it doesn’t matter how trivial you may feel the issue is or how huge an obstacle you feel it is. The point is if it’s an issue for you, its something that should be addressed.
I will help you explore and make sense of how you are feeling and support you, while enabling you to reduce the emotional overwhelm ,allowing you to come back to that place of personal balance where parenting once more becomes a joy.
To book a free 1 hour Skype chat to discuss how I could help support you contact me via https://sallyarthurs.youcanbook.me
I look forward to speaking with you soon. Sally xx
It seems the word for today has been sensitivity. I can be prone to being very sensitive and have had to learn how to shield my energy in order to function. Senstivity can take many forms, and we dont always realise that the emotional discord that we feel is initially from our own reactions to other people, events or situations in our lives. There are many ways that this manifests but if we dont manage to nip it in the bud we can become drained and over emotional. This in turn feeds our sensitivity building a crescendo of emotions and feelings that can feel like deep wounds making us hyper reactive in thoughts and actions, while often rendering us feeling incapable of doing anything.
There is absolutely nothing wrong in being sensitive and infact it can have a lot of benefits, especially when it comes to helping others. We can be more intune with what they are feeling and better able to support them.
I have found that dealing with others who are also sensitive can make things even harder. This can be especially relevant when dealing with children who are highly sensitive or on the autistic spectrum. However when we take on too much energy we begin to lose our boundaries and cant decipher between “ours” and “theirs” and its this place of overwhelm and heightened awareness that can send us into a vulnerable emotional state, one that renders normal functioning a great effort.
There are many vibrational essences that can help us to take back our own power and to keep strong energetic boundaries that will help diffuse the emotional turmoil that we can feel. Two of my “go to ” essences at times like this are Ground Moss or Walnut Moss both help in different ways but definately help me find the core calm and strength to keep me from being overwhelmed. Its like finding my own little breathing space.
which vibrational essences will you allow into your life to support you today?
To find out how you can support yourself or others with when sensitivity challenges, contact me for a sensitive souls chat via https://sallyarthurs.youcanbook.me/
With Much Love ~ Sally
Meltdowns are one part of parenting an autistic spectrum child that can be really hard to deal with. Not that I am overlooking the distress our children experiencing this but I want to focus on the emotional drain that this can have on us as parents.
There is not always an obvious rhyme or reason for a meltdown; in fact as parents we can find ourselves on high alert constantly looking to avoid any known triggers, trying hard to steer them through the day (or even hour) without triggering a full blown meltdown. However we soon find that even with our most conscientious efforts that there will be times that this is just unavoidable.
This often means that we have a heightened awareness of everything and everyone around us. This can blur the boundaries of what we are feeling and cause us to be hypersensitive to our children and the environment. At times it can feel that we are running on adrenaline and that is totally draining.
It can feel as though we don’t get any respite, but we feel guilty to “think about ourselves” as our children’s welfare always comes first. After all they are extremely stressed and in a frightening place when in the middle of a meltdown. It can make you feel terrible for even thinking of our own feelings at such a time. Emotionally I liken the feeling of having a scab on a wound that is beginning to heal but is suddenly pulled back off again reopening the hurt and frustrated feelings in a heightened way. This often happens before we have had a chance to process our own thoughts and emotions from the last “issue” and can make it feel a bit like a never ending cycle for us. They need to learn strategies to cope with the issues that cause them meltdowns. Obviously in younger children this is a lot harder as they don’t really have the way to let us know what is causing their sensory over load. We can help them learn these skills better if we approach with a calm energy, leading them by example.
It’s really important to look after yourself and to try to find ways of dropping our awareness/anxiety levels to a more comfortable place. If we are less stressed – we give off calm energy – which in turn is picked up by our children. Our heightened energy is no longer picked up by them which decreases their anxiety levels somewhat.
It’s not always feasible for us to have “time out” as often this can create stress for our children which in turn increases our stress levels. Bringing in a little time for ourselves gradually is a good idea, but can take quite a while to implement, bearing in mind that we feel at our worst when our child does too. Unfortunately meltdowns can be regular and we need to be able to find ways to release our frustrations and guilt around this in a productive way. Your child will thank you for this – as they feel calmer and more secure when you are.
This is where Flower & Vibrational Essences can give us a helping hand. Obviously as there are so many factors going on, you will get more insights and a better blend of essences if you go through the process of an in-depth consultation to support you. However, there are some essences that can bring benefit in the short term and allow us to keep a clear head and calm focus.
For me I had the head rush of energy that made me feel that I was out of control, that I couldn’t think properly and a real fear rose of not being able to cope with the situation. The essence I used then to drop the rising panic and ground me back into my body was Cherry Plum (Bach Flower Remedies – It can be used to help your child with this too) It brings focus more into the present moment and promotes more rational thinking.
I also found Walnut Moss essence (Stewart Essences) to be really useful at creating energetic boundaries; it lessens what energy we pick up from our children and what they pick up from us. It filters out the knee jerk type energy and allows us to process information more slowly and productively.
I have only shared two of the essences that worked for me and helped me to feel sane when I would otherwise feel totally overwhelmed.
If you would like further information on essences or would like to discuss having a consultation to see what essences would be beneficial to you for your personal situation please contact me by email
Consultations are held either in person if location allows or by Skype. The latter is often easier for parents as it can be carried out at more flexible times.