Most people expect fear to look obvious, loud, panic, overwhelm, but often it shows up wearing very sensible shoes, whispering advice that sounds perfectly reasonable:
“Maybe wait until you’ve got more information.” “Don’t rush, there’ll be another chance later.” “Best not make a fuss, just keep the peace.”
Sound familiar?
The truth is, those “sensible” voices aren’t always wisdom. They’re often old patterns, protective habits we learned long ago, that keep us small, stuck, and overthinking.
They don’t just show up in the big decisions. They sneak into the everyday stuff too.
Take dinner, You’re standing in the kitchen (or the supermarket) thinking about what to make. It should be simple. But suddenly the what-ifs kick in: What if I choose wrong? What if they don’t like it? What if I cook it badly?
By the time you’ve finished spiraling, any joy’s been replaced with a sense of doom with no real reason. .
That’s what patterns do, they hijack the simplest things and make them feel ten times heavier than they are.
The first step isn’t forcing yourself to “just get on with it.” It’s noticing the pattern. Seeing how it shows up, and realising that it’s not you being ridiculous, it’s you running on an old response that once kept you safe, but is no longer required to be on standby.
If this hits a nerve, you’re not alone. I’d love to hear how these everyday spirals show up for you.
One of those days from the minute you open your eyes you can just feel the tension build. Overslept by twenty minutes, tripped over a pair of shoes in the rush to the bathroom, someone has used the towel and not popped a clean one in. Then dog finding the best sniffing place EVER as you try to fit in the quick walk before work. When you finally set off the traffic is busy, then you realise when you’re just about there that the lunch you carefully prepared last night is still in the fridge at home.
You arrive at work to a pile of paper work that has miraculously appeared in the night and it’s the intricate fiddly stuff that is time consuming and laborious. Feeling irritated that your plans for the day will be out the window in favour of spending hours churning through this unwelcome visitor.
You can add your own typical frustrating day in place of mine but I’m sure you get the picture.
It can suddenly feel like you’re at breaking point and everything and everyone seems to add to this horrible feeling. Even the sound of the telephone or the radio can begin to needle you. It flows over into how you’re feeling about the people around you, about life in general and it even has an effect of your digestive system, causing upset or even pushing your buttons to over eat or to not eat at all.
Life in this moment now feels very complicated and stressful! Your sensitivities are in overdrive and you feel so overwhelmed that you can’t focus clearly, never mind make sense of the paperwork that is like a huge waving red flag in front of you!
You can continue on this stress treadmill. BUT... What if you could take charge and allow yourself to release the tension? Slowly, Easily, Effortlessly……
Firstly breathe! Take a few minutes to focus on your breathing, noticing how your breath feels as it enters your nostrils, following it down into your lungs feeling your chest expand and know your blood is being nourished by the oxygen intake. Breathe out through your mouth again following the breath up and out, feeling its warmth as it leaves your body taking with it anything energetically that isn’t good for you. Do this a few times keeping focus on the breath and not allowing it to wander into thoughts (It will only take 2 minutes but If you feel awkward doing this at your desk you could remove yourself and go make a cuppa in the rest room or even take a quick trip to the loo!) This is a really effective technique to just drop your stress level and allow clear thinking to return.
My go to essence at this time would be Bach flower essence Impatiens. It is a great essence for releasing tension and restoring a calmer feeling in our bodies and minds. It helps release the irritated, coiled spring feeling smoothing our energy and helping us back to focus and calm.
Combining this essence with the 2 minute breathing space practice is a quick and effective way in restoring us to our rational self. In fact the more you begin to notice this reaction happening in its early stages you can take some essence right away and breathe knowing that it will help stop the tension building to any great level. Have a fabulous, empowered day <3
I work with sensitive and emotionally overwhelmed people, helping them find clarity and ways to feel empowered, calmer and more able to enjoy everyday life ~ even when challenged.
How are you today? A well meant question but for stressed out parents, especially those of children with complex needs its a question that throws us fear and panic as we try to hide the fact we are struggling.
Parenting is a minefield, no child comes with an instruction leaflet and no two are the same. No matter how prepared you think you are there are always times that will throw you off guard and send you into a panic filled emotional whirlwind.
Most of the time we cope very well and with trial, error and a bucket load of humour we steer our way through the stormier waters. There are so many emotions that parenting throws up for us from that first rush of pure love ( oh heck if I didn’t have that am I a bad mother? ) to the overwhelm of sleepless nights, tantrums and beyond. It can also push triggers to emotional “stuff” from our own childhood.
The media portrays this glossy image to us of smiling, perfectly groomed mothers effortlessly looking after a brood of smiling, happy children as they welcome their happy relaxed partner home from his bread winning day. WOah! Reality check there …
No dinners thrown on your newly cleaned floor? ( it took you all day to manage it too) No tears or tantrums, no tired stressed partner, no worries or problems? Is it any wonder that we begin to feel guilty or inadequate or any other stressful emotion that you personally would like to substitute.
We can spend a lot of time surrounded buy those who are only too happy to fill us with tales of their perfect world, perfect pregnancy, perfect birth, perfect children ( add your personal favourite) and offer us well meant support, however it serves to make us even more stressed. Why Cant I cope like that?
No one likes to admit that they struggle at times, but for most parents there are times when we do struggle. Sadly we often feel too judged to admit this and therefore struggle on in the best way we can while feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and emotionally drained.
Add to the mix complications – my own complications came from a traumatic first pregnancy and my baby being born 12 weeks premature. Emotionally exhausting dealing with all the health hiccups and the NICU, made worse by my personal guilt at not being able to carry her to term, of not being with her around the clock for the 12 weeks she spent in hospital, I’m sure you get the picture.
My second child, born 18 months later, provided a challenge of a totally different kind. There were strange issues from very early on and after an extra long battle with Psychologists, Psychiatrists and various other agencies was diagnosed with Aspergers at 15 years old. Now that’s a very long story, that I may well share someday but for now it’s enough to acknowledge that I have experienced this.
I know only too well the emotional roller coaster that parents can get caught on and it has been my quest to find out ways to support myself through this time. When my son was around 18 months I found Bach Flower Essences and can say hand on heart that they literally saved me from spiralling into a deep dark place where I felt very irrational and this scared me. The essence I came across was Cherry Plum
According to the Bach definition “The Cherry Plum fear is very specific: it is the fear that one is going to lose control of oneself and do something dreadful, such as injuring others or harming oneself. Fears of going mad and of acting irrationally are Cherry Plum states.Cherry Plum is also the remedy for a loss of control that has already taken place, because of the frantic fear and dread associated with such situations. Think of the fear a small child feels in the grip of a screaming, irrational tantrum: this too is a Cherry Plum state.”
I had no idea how it worked but it was a blessing that it did! I iguess this is where my love of essences really began and I would be drawn back to them time and again when I needed support.
Having witnessed the power that the essences have in supporting us through times of challenge and distress it is my wish to empower other parents and gift them with the support to enable them to return to balance and to re-ignite their joy in parenting.
