Yesterday I was made aware of a BBC report linked to new figures from the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health showing a huge increase in young children attending A&E with mental health concerns.
I have to be honest and say it completely floored me. Sixโฆ.. I meanโฆ โ๐ธโโ๐ฎโโ๐ฝโ โ๐พโโ๐ชโโ๐ฆโโ๐ทโโ๐ธโ โ๐ดโโ๐ฑโโ๐ฉโ.
At an age when children should still be largely unaware of, and free from, the stresses of the big wide world, some are already reaching a level of distress serious enough for A&E to become part of the picture. The report states that amongst 6โ9 year olds, A&E attendances with a recorded mental health concern rose by 62% between 2019 and 2025.
๐๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ๐งโ๐ญ ๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ซ๐ง๐ข๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ ๐ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ฌ๐ข๐ฌ โฆ ๐๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ฌ๐ข๐ฌ.
If you have been around for even a short time you will know that I have wittered on for some time, that we are heading towards a crisis in our childrenโs emotional and mental health.
I have seen it in the growing number of young adults struggling with day-to-day life, never mind what happens when an actual sizeable crisis occurs, and unfortunately some hard things are part of life.
I have been rather boringly banging on for years about what could happen if we failed to address the impact of early experiences. That future generations could become so overwhelmed from the get-go that the implications for future children were glaringly clear and downright frightening, ๐๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ ๐ ๐๐ง๐ฎ๐ข๐ง๐๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ก๐๐๐งโ๐ญ ๐ซ๐๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ฌ๐๐ ๐ฐ๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐ซ๐๐๐๐ก๐๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐ฉ๐จ๐ข๐ง๐ญ ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ฌ๐จ๐จ๐ง.
I am not approaching this from some idealistic viewpoint or being holier than thou about it โฆ.overwhelm and crisis was part of my life for a long time.ย Around 25 years ago my life was one long round of this whilst navigating psychology and psychiatry services with my son (from a young age,) so I am under no illusion that everything was perfect ๐๐๐๐ค ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ง, or that the system worked more effectively.
The worst part is that it ๐๐๐๐ฃโ๐ฉ, and sadly the system now appears to be totally overwhelmed.
So, YES ~ I know what it is like to have a child who is struggling, and how hard it is to find the right help. I know the fear, frustration, the emotional rollercoaster and sheer exhaustion that can come with it.
But now that it is openly being documented that children as young as six are amongst those reaching mental health crisis point, surely that has to make us ask something more than: ๐๐ค๐ฌ ๐๐ค ๐ฌ๐ ๐ฅ๐ง๐ค๐ซ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐๐ง ๐ฉ๐ง๐๐๐ฉ๐ข๐๐ฃ๐ฉ ๐ค๐ฃ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ก๐ ๐๐จ ๐๐ก๐ง๐๐๐๐ฎ ๐๐ฃ ๐๐ง๐๐จ๐๐จ?
Of course we need to attend to the crisis, but we desperately need to be looking much further upstream and asking: ๐๐ค๐ฌ ๐๐ค ๐ฌ๐ ๐ง๐๐๐ช๐๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐๐ก๐๐๐ค๐ค๐ ๐ค๐ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ข ๐ง๐๐๐๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ง๐๐จ๐๐จ ๐๐ฃ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐๐ง๐จ๐ฉ ๐ฅ๐ก๐๐๐?
A child does not simply wake up one morning at six, or nine, or fourteen, and just happen to be in crisis. By the time hospital intervention is being sought, things have already been seriously eroding their capacity to cope for a while.
From the very beginning, children can misunderstand experiences or make sense of them in ways we may never realise, creating misconceptions and emotional fallout that can become cumulative.
We cannot prevent difficult things happening, nor can we create perfectly stress-free childhoods.
๐๐๐๐ฉ ๐๐จ๐ฃโ๐ฉ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐๐ข. The aim is to be aware, and by recognising earlier where that may be happening, the greater the opportunity to reassure, clarify or change what we can before it becomes another complex layer that underpins how they respond to future experiences.
This is where parental responsibility really matters. I am ๐๐๐ for one second blaming parents, but asking them to be aware and to step in even when the thing that has caused upset seems to be insignificant to them, understanding that how the child learns to respond to what is significant to them is important.
When our child is struggling, frightened or hurting, they need us to be their anchor. Our own emotional reactivity can complicate an already difficult situation because it gives the child something else to process along side what they are feeling, and it can amplify their fearโฆ if parents panic it must be something scary.
I know that can be difficult to hear, but it doesnโt mean youโve been getting it wrong, or its all your fault. That couldnโt be further from the truth.
I undersrtand all this because I have lived it. There were times when my own fear and distress about what my child was going through overwhelmed me too. Your child hurts of course you hurt .. its human natureโฆ.. but in my own struggle, I sometimes made an already difficult situation harder for my child. Eventually I began to understand that, in the moment, my child needed me to be their rock. To be reliable and safe when their world felt anything but.
That doesnโt mean hiding our emotions or pretending everything is fine. It means understanding that there is a time for our emotional response, and when our child is already struggling, that is definitely not the time. (๐๐บ ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฏ๐ด ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ข ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ต๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฏ ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฃ๐ข๐ธ๐ญ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ฆ๐บ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต .. ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ค๐ฉ๐ช๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ค๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด๐ด๐ถ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ด ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฎ. ๐๐ณ๐ฐ๐ค๐ฆ๐ด๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฏ ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ต๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ๐ฐ ๐ฃ๐ถ๐ต ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ช๐ด ๐ฌ๐ฆ๐บ)
I certainly didnโt get this right all the time, but when I became better able to separate what my child was going through from my own emotional reaction to it, things shifted.
Not miraculously, their difficulties didnโt suddenly disappear, but at least they werenโt having to navigate what was happening and my emotional shit on top of it, because supporting our children also means being willing to look at our own emotional capacity and emotional charge of what we bring to the mix.
I get it โฆ life can be hard, many parents are already overwhelmed themselves. They are dealing with their own worries, their own triggers, and often have very little spare capacity. ๐ก๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐บ๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ ๐ฏ๐ฎ๐ฑ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐.
If we genuinely want to prevent children reaching crisis, supporting parents and helping them understand their own emotional responses has to be part of the conversation, because overwhelmed parents who are struggling to cope can, entirely unintentionally, reduce the emotional capacity of their children too.
This is the part that frightens me for the future. A six-year-old in crisis today will not stay six. They will become tenโฆ.. Fifteenโฆ. Twenty, and many will eventually become parents themselves. It does not mean a child struggling at six is destined to become an overwhelmed adult or parent. Their future is not set in stone but they already are predisposed by what they have experienced.
๐ช๐ต๐ถ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ถ๐ ๐ฒ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐๐น๐ ๐๐ต๐ ๐๐ฒ ๐ต๐ฎ๐๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐ด๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฎ๐ด๐ฒ ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ป ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ป๐๐๐ฎ๐ป๐๐น๐ ๐ณ๐ถ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ณ๐ถ๐ด๐ต๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฐ๐ฟ๐ถ๐๐ถ๐ ๐ฎ๐ณ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฐ๐ฟ๐ถ๐๐ถ๐.
For years I have talked about our earliest experiences, emotional capacity, what we carry forward and what can be passed down to yet another generation.
๐๐๐ง๐๐๐ฅ๐จ ๐ ๐ก๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ก๐ ๐ฃ๐๐๐ซ๐๐ก๐ฎ, ๐จ๐ค๐ข๐๐ฌ๐๐๐ง๐ ๐๐ฃ ๐ข๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐จ๐ฉ๐๐ก๐ก ๐๐๐ก๐๐๐ซ๐๐ ๐ฌ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐ค๐ง๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ข๐โฆโฆโฆโฆ.
My aim has always been to help people reduce emotional charge and increase emotional capacity. So that they can support todayโs parents, support their children and teenagers, help future parents prioritise their own emotional wellbeing so that they are better equipped, and less likely to continue the loop of reduced emotional capacity into another generation.
This is the really hard part, and the part I really want people to take note of โฆโฆ Some of those future parents ๐๐ฅ๐ ๐๐ถ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ ๐ผ๐น๐ฑ ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ด๐ต๐ ๐ป๐ผ๐, and some of them are already in crisis. The crisis point I desperately hoped we could help avert is already here.
So we need to start earlier, Much earlier.
๐๐ข๐ฑ ๐ฒ๐๐๐ซ๐ฌ ๐จ๐ฅ๐ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง ๐ฆ๐๐ง๐ญ๐๐ฅ ๐ก๐๐๐ฅ๐ญ๐ก ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ฌ๐ข๐ฌ โฆ. ๐๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐๐จ๐๐ฌ๐งโ๐ญ ๐ญ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐๐ฏ๐๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐ฆ๐๐ญ๐ญ๐๐ซ๐ฌ, ๐ ๐๐จ๐งโ๐ญ ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ ๐ฐ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ.๐ฅบ